Hello and Goodbye: How to Greet Without Shaking Hands
Making an impression when first meeting someone is all about the way we offer a greeting. Our greeting is the way we begin to build relationships with others or show our affection for those close to us. Whilst we can say hello in different languages by learning new words or using a smart phone translator, it’s more often the non-verbal way that we initiate a greeting that has the most impact. One of the ways we do this is through a handshake.
History tells us that the handshake began thousands of years ago and dates back to Ancient Greece. A 5th century BC funeral stone of two soldiers shaking hands is housed in the Pergamon Museum in Berlin while in the Acropolis Museum in Athens, Hera, the wife of Zeus and queen of the ancient Greek gods, is depicted on the base of a column, shaking hands with Athena, Goddess of wisdom, war and the crafts. The purpose was then, as it is now, a gesture of friendliness and an assurance that both parties were offering goodwill.
But what is to become of the handshake in these days of disruption, contagion, and social distancing when we are being advised to no longer shake hands and have social contact? We only need to look at some of the many of cultures of Asia to see there are other greetings that do not rely solely on a handshake.
Dr David Whitworth, a biologist from Aberystwyth University in Wales, thinks we should move away from the handshake altogether citing evidence from research of the amount of germs that are transferred from one person to another during the handshake.
Shaking hands transfers germs from one person to another. Image: Marie Sjödin
This is supported by Dr Mark Sklansky, a Professor and Chief of Pediatric Cardiology at UCLA Mattel Children’s Hospital. From an infectious disease viewpoint Professor Sklansky says, “the handshake is such a terrible idea”. When we need to be extra vigilant from the contamination of infectious disease forget shaking hands Dr Whitworth says. “Try a nod, a smile or a wave”, and even more so in these days of coronavirus.
In Asia there are more elegant ways to exchange greetings. Namaste, the traditional greeting Indians offer to each other, is familiar to many people around the world. The word itself comes from Sanskrit, one of the ancient languages of Hinduism and translates to "I bow to the divine in you".
Namaste is offered by placing two hands together prayer-like in front of the chest, and with a smile and a bow while also saying “namaste”, you complete the greeting. Namaste is a formal or friendly greeting, depending on circumstances, and is offered to all people, no matter their age. It is polite to return the greeting when offered.
In Thailand, a similar greeting known as wai involves placing your palms together level with your chest so that the tips of your fingers lightly touch your chin. The hands are slightly higher than in the Indian namaste greeting. A slight bow completes the greeting.
Thai people greeting each other with the wai gesture. Image: © Anekoho
While there are cultural rules to be observed in relation to social standing, familiarity and sacred offerings, the gesture itself, an ancient greeting with its origins in the Indian namaste, is used to convey thanks, to offer an apology and as a form of reverence. In the Thai tradition, I have always found this gesture gentle, respectful and a greeting that is easy to replicate in return.
Sharing a very similar greeting style is the Cambodian sampeah. As with Thai culture, in Khmer culture, the sampeah is an important greeting signifying respect and politeness, yet there was a period of time when this was not the case. During the traumatic years of horror and instability under the Khmer Rouge and Pol Pot’s dictatorship, the sampeah was banned. It was seen as a remnant of a feudal society.
Fortunately the sampeah has now regained its rightful place in Cambodian culture with even the very young being taught the nuances of this greeting.
A Cambodian woman demonstrates the sampeah greeting. Image: © Michael Tillotson
The sampeah has five distinctive stages and relies on the formal hand procedure of placing both palms together, prayer-like, and bringing them to the chest with a slight bow which is the first level when greeting friends. However, the subtle variations of this initial stage of both palms together depend on the status of who you are greeting. Raise both palms to your mouth when greeting your boss, to your nose when greeting parents or grandparents, to eye level when meeting monks or the king, and bring your hands to forehead level when praying to God or sacred statues. As with Thai culture, a slight bow of the head accompanies the sampeah.
During my time in Cambodia, even though I did not fully understand the subtleties of the sampeah, I mirrored the greeting I had been offered. Placing my palms together and bowing slightly, my unrehearsed greeting was often lacking the formal intricacies of the sampeah --nevertheless it was always warmly accepted.
Bowing is also an important form of greeting in Japan beginning as far back as 538AD during the Asuka and Nara periods, and comes with a firmly entrenched set of guidelines and traditions. There is a subtle art to the length and depth of the bow from a brief nod through to the dramatic Deeply Reverent Bow and variations in between, such as the Greeting Bow, the Polite Bow, the Respect Bow and the Worship Bow.
The traditional bow is the accepted way of greeting in Japan. Image: © Mengzhang
The bow is incorporated into all aspects of Japanese life, from saying hello and goodbye, as a gesture of thanks and as an apology through to respect and reverence. The bow conveys different emotions such as admiration, deference and regret based on the occasion. Amanda Hodge, a Southeast Asian correspondent writing for the daily newspaper The Australian (2 April 2020) in relation to the COVID-19 pandemic says, “Some have attributed Japan’s apparently low COVID-19 caseload to cultural differences -- its tradition of bowing rather than shaking hands, its hygiene obsession, the long acceptance of face masks, and social obedience”.
In Malaysia, the Deputy Health Minister, Dr Lee Boon Chye, suggested that instead of shaking hands, Malaysians use the ‘Salam Malaysia’ greeting which involves placing the right hand on the heart as a way of greeting visitors. However in some other Southeast Asian countries, depending on the cultural background and traditions of the people involved, it is not unusual to be welcomed by the right hand being placed over the heart and a slight bow.
This greeting is especially common in the tourist industry. Many employees of hotels will offer this gesture to visitors upon arrival and as a thank you upon leaving. On a recent visit to Malaysia, I felt warmly welcomed by the kindness and sincerity of this greeting which in essence says, “I greet you from my heart”.
The ‘Salam Malaysia’ greeting is common in the tourism industry. Image: © Janjolim
So, in this new world of social distancing it is worth considering how we might replace the handshake. It may seem uncomfortable or embarrassing not to return the greeting of an outstretched hand, but as Dr Whitworth says, when infectious disease is around, anything is better than a handshake.
Plan in advance how you will replace the handshake and choose what will work best for you – a smile, a nod, a slight bow or hands clasped together prayer like, or your right hand placed over your heart. These greetings, initially developed in ancient cultures have long histories and are now more relevant than ever. Whatever you choose, offer your greeting with warmth and sincerity.
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